I have no excuse....

i have no excuse for not blogging this week except we've been really busy and the outdoors was just too appealing... check out emma and madison swimming today and having a blast!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

sometimes it's easy to forget...

sometimes it's easy to forget who is fighting the good fight and who (or whom?) is fighting simply for their own gain. things aren't so simple when you're a grown up. i don't know why not. why don't simple paradigms like cowboys and indians or robbers and cops just stay simple? before you know it you realize that the cowboys ruined a civilization and not all cops are better than the robbers that they fight. it's confusing and sometimes it leaves me feeling bewildered and wondering if there is indeed an instruction manual. if there is what would you call it? would you call it the Bible? the Koran? the teachings of Buddha? would you call it the forest and the simple pillars of nature? would you eschew all those teachings and say man makes his own instructions? somewhere inside all of it is a explanation. and sometimes that explanation glorifies your life - like the day i had yesterday. and sometimes that explanation brings the understanding of what is true on it's metaphorical ear - which is good because it turns out i have a fucking hard time hearing when i'm being stubborn.

perhaps it's possible that when a friend speaks truth to you and it hurts your heart it's a truth you need to hear. perhaps it's possible that in refusing to continue certain old patterns and interactions there are friends that are teaching the most valuable lesson of all. it's those truths i need to hear and i need to speak. i should be that brave. it's those things i need to reflect on - not the words or the emotion but the weight and the importance of the interaction. because when i don't hear properly... when i don't fucking get the message i get all soft and try to be forgiving which seems to mean forgetful about what we're doing here. and then i get phone calls like the one i did today - inviting me to key west. talking about how i'm weak or scared for not going... even though it's an idea that i wouldn't EVER entertain. a person on the other end of a phone that doesn't understand that all i can give at this point is a respectful distance and a resolute promise... to no longer "do my best" and stay within myself and remember where i've been.

it's been a year - and in that year i've learned everything about myself. i've learned about who and what i am. i've learned so many good things. the good days are really good. the bad days are few and far between and definitely managable. i've learned what i'm made of. i've learned who my friends are and i've learned how to remember every day what i'm capable of - for good and for bad. and most importantly i've learned that friends don't ask friends to go to key west, they don't ask them to descend into the canyon of crazy on a whim... and if they do... with friends like that who needs tequila?

my name is lex and i'm grateful

'if ever i should ever seem to take for granted, this lovely life that i have been handed, darlin' don't just stand there, come knock me around....' - jets to brazil - wish list

last night as shannon and i were driving home from the bbq with the girls in the car i realized that my life is pretty fucking awesome. my grades from last semester were great, i got a paid research internship this summer, i have wonderful friends and em is not only doing great in school... she's just an amazing kid. i don't think there is anything that could be better in my life right now... there are things i would definitely change or adjust but sometimes it's good to just sit back and really enjoy what you have.

on that note.. i'm going to be grateful and relax. and listen to the decemberists. and maybe make tea... and maybe dance around a little while packing.

your sense of entitlement

the last 48

it's odd to me to not be able to discuss my feelings openly in my blog... but for now there are things that don't belong in the public eye. and i'm okay with that. happy about it even.

this week has been a difficult week.

dawnielle's dad passed on tuesday night and i am sad for their family and of course for her hurting heart. nothing on earth can replace a parent and nothing can change the hurt that their family is going through. i can only hope that the small moments of happiness and gratitude are enough to get them through these times.

the semester is almost over and i am very excited! i had my last exam for regular classes today. just a few weeks ago i was inducted into the national honor society and i'm proud of my gpa. regardless of how wonderful it is to be successful, i'm relieved that the semester is over! two finals in about 10 days and then i'm a free woman.

things in my life, are pretty wonderful. i have a wonderful boyfriend, a daughter who is happy and healthy and a family who loves me and supports me. all the work that i have done in the past year to get "us" to this place has really begun to pay off.

in life there is always sour with the sweet and things that are sad. this week has provided all of them... and i am grateful for each moment.. even the difficult ones.

on that note. i say goodnight.