i love my life. i have a great life. i have a wonderful daughter who is funny and smart and loving. i have a family who is good to each other and loves each other. i am proud of my siblings, their choices and of the people they have chosen to be in their lives. school is exciting and a challenge and i have really enjoyed every minute of it! i have amazing friends... amazing friends... that support and love me through thick and thin. lastly, but not least, i have a boyfriend who is a pillar of strength in my life. he is my best friend, my lover and everything i could have ever hoped for in a man.
2010 will hold big changes for us.... some of them are bigger than i can imagine. some have already happened and i'm so grateful. there might be less blogs in 2010. i seem to have less angst and that was what i blogged about. please don't take it personally. i hope to find something else to put here - daily photographs maybe? to fill the daily spots.
happy new year!
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
31 December 2009
28 November 2009
do you realize?
thanksgiving was wonderful. it was a wonderful experience... full of good laughs and a new found gratitude and love for my family. we are normal - despite the things that make us abnormal. my siblings, my daughter and my parents are people i respect and love.
something happened though over the few days that has given me an idea to think about. oh, how i love a new idea to take apart and think about over and over and over again. it's something that happened in our house and it has to do with forgiveness and letting go of the past.
it seems that there are things that happen in life. there are good things and bad things and in between things. the in between things seem to get swept away with the sands of time - mediocre dinners, movies, experiences, conversations. those are neutral and ultimately they neither reinforce or destroy ties. there are the good things. the good things are memories and they bring a feeling of warmth and love. these are the things that are what make life pleasant, loving and fun. but it's the bad things and how you deal with them in the grand scale of time that create an attitude of either love or frustration and resentment which lead to anger.
here is my opinion - about those bad things. it's just my opinion and perhaps i don't know shit about shit... i'm open to being wrong (and if i am please speak UP so i can look at this new idea in a different light).
bad shit happens. people do bad shit, act like shits, say shitty things and sometimes even shit on you. in time usually those people apologize, grow, change and behave in new ways. (if they don't do any of those things or they are oblivious to the changes that need to be made that's a different rant) when you recieve time, growth and an apology you have two choices: forgive or hold on. holding on leads to death of relationships, forgiving offers a chance for your heart to hold new ideas and new good things. in my opinion, there is only so much room in your heart - like your closet - you can either store good things or negative things. dredging up the past and choosing to be resentful over it only limits YOU. it only serves to prevent YOU from being the person you want to be.
there is no time machine. there is no way to go back and change the past. there is only this moment and the future. why choose to let the past dictate your present or your future? why choose to let negative resentments and anger rule the potential happiness? why not allow people to apologize, accept their part, you accept your part and try to build a bridge to the present? it seems silly to me to hold on to the angry feelings that are chained in the past... ultimately you're the only one still standing there and you're missing out on the gift of the present.
here is to forgiving and moving forward...
if you choose to set those bags down i think you'll find your journey is easier. but you can have whatever journey you want. i'm definitely not the boss of you.
may your journey bring you to peace. it's a big world out there but i hope you'll find your way to your own brand of happiness.
something happened though over the few days that has given me an idea to think about. oh, how i love a new idea to take apart and think about over and over and over again. it's something that happened in our house and it has to do with forgiveness and letting go of the past.
it seems that there are things that happen in life. there are good things and bad things and in between things. the in between things seem to get swept away with the sands of time - mediocre dinners, movies, experiences, conversations. those are neutral and ultimately they neither reinforce or destroy ties. there are the good things. the good things are memories and they bring a feeling of warmth and love. these are the things that are what make life pleasant, loving and fun. but it's the bad things and how you deal with them in the grand scale of time that create an attitude of either love or frustration and resentment which lead to anger.
here is my opinion - about those bad things. it's just my opinion and perhaps i don't know shit about shit... i'm open to being wrong (and if i am please speak UP so i can look at this new idea in a different light).
bad shit happens. people do bad shit, act like shits, say shitty things and sometimes even shit on you. in time usually those people apologize, grow, change and behave in new ways. (if they don't do any of those things or they are oblivious to the changes that need to be made that's a different rant) when you recieve time, growth and an apology you have two choices: forgive or hold on. holding on leads to death of relationships, forgiving offers a chance for your heart to hold new ideas and new good things. in my opinion, there is only so much room in your heart - like your closet - you can either store good things or negative things. dredging up the past and choosing to be resentful over it only limits YOU. it only serves to prevent YOU from being the person you want to be.
there is no time machine. there is no way to go back and change the past. there is only this moment and the future. why choose to let the past dictate your present or your future? why choose to let negative resentments and anger rule the potential happiness? why not allow people to apologize, accept their part, you accept your part and try to build a bridge to the present? it seems silly to me to hold on to the angry feelings that are chained in the past... ultimately you're the only one still standing there and you're missing out on the gift of the present.
here is to forgiving and moving forward...
if you choose to set those bags down i think you'll find your journey is easier. but you can have whatever journey you want. i'm definitely not the boss of you.
may your journey bring you to peace. it's a big world out there but i hope you'll find your way to your own brand of happiness.
24 November 2009
almost thankful
there is tons of excitement going on around here. my brother and his girlfriend arrive this afternoon and i just cannot wait. it's strange to get older and not have both my siblings in the same house at the same time.
and my brother is amazing. he's grown into a man. some people might say that the marines are what gave him his character and integrity but i've known him since he was born and i think he was born that way.
the other day i talked to him and he told me two important things: 1.) character can't be instilled in the unwilling 2.) when struggling at something you should remember that failure is not an option.
i can't wait to sit and talk to him and marvel at how wonderful a man he's become.
and my brother is amazing. he's grown into a man. some people might say that the marines are what gave him his character and integrity but i've known him since he was born and i think he was born that way.
the other day i talked to him and he told me two important things: 1.) character can't be instilled in the unwilling 2.) when struggling at something you should remember that failure is not an option.
i can't wait to sit and talk to him and marvel at how wonderful a man he's become.
just can't wait...
today is the day that my sister - the lovely lala - arrives from the land of art school. i just can't wait to see her. in case i haven't ranted lately about how amazing she is... she is AMAZING. she's smart and funny and cool.... and beautiful. and i miss her. i miss her daily and it's been too long!
she is totally going to get a tattoo of a pink do-do with me (maybe not at thanksgiving)... but we're definitely going to sonic!... and to get frozen custard... and to the bar!!!! (maybe)
will post pictures of shenanigans... and you should listen to this song because we totally will...
she is totally going to get a tattoo of a pink do-do with me (maybe not at thanksgiving)... but we're definitely going to sonic!... and to get frozen custard... and to the bar!!!! (maybe)
will post pictures of shenanigans... and you should listen to this song because we totally will...
22 April 2009
lala's day
today is my sister's birthday. she is fabulous. i would say more but what more is there to say about the most perfect 20 year old that ever lived?? seriously... she's everything i hope to be or wish i was... and i think she is the best kind of friend a girl can have. she is funny, fun and helped me invent uppie doos and the word gggrrraaarrr. she doesn't take herself too seriously and i appreciate that. i need that in my life. more than anyone knows. and so to her... i say happy birthday and i bid you goodnight.
these united states - get yourself home
these united states - get yourself home
11 May 2008
phone calls into the valley
lewis & clarke - before it breaks you
there are times when things happen and i have to make an SOS call into the valley. it's strange because 9 times out of 10 the call isn't answered but the ritual of it after so many years makes me feel better. once the call is made and the machine picks up i instantly feel better and then i can usually walk away and make myself some tea, put my feet up and breathe. i can usually debrief myself or field dress whatever wound has become the most recent. sometimes i wonder if the person on the other side of the calls knows that i don't leave a message because i don't have to anymore. i wonder if he knows sometimes sending up the flare is enough to give me the chance to de-escalate on my own. i wonder if he knows that when it's all said and done i credit him with the save, the distress call answering and the feeling of security i get from reaching out to a place of safety.
when i learned to ride a bike i was at my friend dawnielle's house in stillwater, ok. she had already learned and i was excited to be the same as her. i rode the bike up and down the street with her dad holding the back of the seat. up and down. up and down. i wobbled and tottered and steered weird and turned my handle bars at odd angles. getting that coordination memorized isn't easy. in fact it was down right scary and i remember being concentrated, frustrated and excited all at the same time... just knowing that i was on the cusp of something amazing. finally he said let's do it one more time... and so i got set and we started off and when we got to the end of the block he wasn't there... he wasn't next to me. i think i walked the bike back because i couldn't imagine trying to ride without him. when i got close i could see him smiling and he said "you did it" and i said incredulously "i did?" and i had.
sometimes we all need a safety net... whether we fall or not... and sometimes we need to believe that others are the ones responsible for our safety because the idea that if you looked down or recognized how far you had gotten out of your safety zone then you might fall flat on your face out of the old fears and anxieties.
today i needed to make the call into the valley, and without worrying about what i would say or how i would explain or having something planned out i just called. i heard the machine pick up and then without leaving a message i hung up the phone and made myself tea. i don't think things are fixed but i know they are better than they were before... and even a small improvement is better than nothing.
there are times when things happen and i have to make an SOS call into the valley. it's strange because 9 times out of 10 the call isn't answered but the ritual of it after so many years makes me feel better. once the call is made and the machine picks up i instantly feel better and then i can usually walk away and make myself some tea, put my feet up and breathe. i can usually debrief myself or field dress whatever wound has become the most recent. sometimes i wonder if the person on the other side of the calls knows that i don't leave a message because i don't have to anymore. i wonder if he knows sometimes sending up the flare is enough to give me the chance to de-escalate on my own. i wonder if he knows that when it's all said and done i credit him with the save, the distress call answering and the feeling of security i get from reaching out to a place of safety.
when i learned to ride a bike i was at my friend dawnielle's house in stillwater, ok. she had already learned and i was excited to be the same as her. i rode the bike up and down the street with her dad holding the back of the seat. up and down. up and down. i wobbled and tottered and steered weird and turned my handle bars at odd angles. getting that coordination memorized isn't easy. in fact it was down right scary and i remember being concentrated, frustrated and excited all at the same time... just knowing that i was on the cusp of something amazing. finally he said let's do it one more time... and so i got set and we started off and when we got to the end of the block he wasn't there... he wasn't next to me. i think i walked the bike back because i couldn't imagine trying to ride without him. when i got close i could see him smiling and he said "you did it" and i said incredulously "i did?" and i had.
sometimes we all need a safety net... whether we fall or not... and sometimes we need to believe that others are the ones responsible for our safety because the idea that if you looked down or recognized how far you had gotten out of your safety zone then you might fall flat on your face out of the old fears and anxieties.
today i needed to make the call into the valley, and without worrying about what i would say or how i would explain or having something planned out i just called. i heard the machine pick up and then without leaving a message i hung up the phone and made myself tea. i don't think things are fixed but i know they are better than they were before... and even a small improvement is better than nothing.
31 March 2008
april fools.... sorta
before you go any further you have to listen to THIS song. yep. just right click on the word this... not the one i just said but the one in all caps right above (sort of) this sentence. it's a fucking gem i found on my FAVOURITE MUSIC BLOG OF ALL TIME - Cover Lay Down. no really it's my favourite... it's in all caps for god's sake and yes i'm yelling it. i'm saying aloud that it's everything i've ever wanted in a music blog... funny, ironic, insightful and poignant along with having a wonderful collection of cover songs. you can right click on the all caps version of - favourite music blog of all time a couple of sentences above and be transported into awesomeville.
there are times in my life where i expect ashton kutcher to seriously jump out of my stupid closet and yell - you've been punk'd. i keep hoping but it never happens. i had hope tonight that the crazy shit going on was some elaborate april fools day joke (we all know i would totally deserve it but we'll leave that story for another time). needless to say it's not a joke. i suppose as a result all i can do at this point (yeah i said it cody... at THIS point) is be grateful for the blessings in my life and move forward.
and there are blessings, there are great things, there are so many things that i have to be grateful for.... and forward is always good... it's better than backward.
that being said... happy april fools day.
there are times in my life where i expect ashton kutcher to seriously jump out of my stupid closet and yell - you've been punk'd. i keep hoping but it never happens. i had hope tonight that the crazy shit going on was some elaborate april fools day joke (we all know i would totally deserve it but we'll leave that story for another time). needless to say it's not a joke. i suppose as a result all i can do at this point (yeah i said it cody... at THIS point) is be grateful for the blessings in my life and move forward.
and there are blessings, there are great things, there are so many things that i have to be grateful for.... and forward is always good... it's better than backward.
that being said... happy april fools day.
22 March 2008
faith
as a note for easter... which is tomorrow i give you this little journey into one of my favourite words. happy bunny day. may you find happiness in whatever traditions bring you closer to yourself and to your bliss.
Faith is a belief of truth or doctrine. As with trust, faith relies on the future, and is usually based in perception of past events. The major global religions are based on faith.
Faith can refer to a religion, or to belief in one or more deities. It has two general implications which can be implied either exclusively or mutually:
- To trust:
- To commit oneself to act based on self experience to warrant belief, but without absolute proof.[1] Mere belief on the basis of evidence is not faith. To have faith involves an act of will. For example, many people saw Blondin walk across the gorge below Niagara Falls on a tightrope, and believed (on the basis of the evidence of their own eyes) that he was capable of carrying a man on his back safely across. But only his manager Harry Colcord had enough faith to allow himself to be carried.
- Believing a certain variable will act or has the potential to act a specific way despite the potential influence and probability of known or unknown change.
- To have faith that one's spouse promise or commitment.
- To have faith that the world will someday be peaceful.
- To have faith that a person will pay you back.
- To have faith that you will be alright despite adversity.
- To have faith in one's full dependence on the will of supernatural forces or deities.
- To have faith you will see someone again.
- A means to obtain something.
- To have faith in a process. (Faith in the Law)
- To have faith in a source or resource. (Faith your pay check or employment)
- To have faith in a method to obtain. (work hard, lie, cheat, buy, trade, be attractive, etc.)
- To have faith in the pathway to a specific desire. (The fastest way to a man's heart is his stomach.)
- Faith is the development of pathways through doubt. With certain resistances to life, wishing to obtain more life force cause people to develop means and methods to overcome the resistance. For example: With the development of farming and grocery stores the ability to get necessary food has became easier, takes less time and allows for more living. Everyone still has to eat, but the means of obtainment has shifted. Our forefathers used to pray to God for a good crop, as that was part of their faith. Many farmers still do that, but now many pray that the paycheck hits the bank before the cable bill.
- When something is wanted and there stands doubt between your current condition of need and the thing desired, systems of faith are employed. A person will first work existing pathways already established by faith. If they fail, they will seek to develop other pathways by faith, not knowing for sure if the path they pursue will provide the object they seek.
According to the Bible, "faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Hebrews 11:1, New International Version).
18 February 2008
since i'm lazy
you'll have to do it the old fashioned way today:
right click on this - patty larkin - have a little faith in me
now let it open in another tab or window and let it play in the background
since i'm totally lazy today i have nothing insightful to say. i've been trying to rest up for the work week... the best thing i did today was get paid for not going to work... gotta love love love paid holidays.
i did a little online shopping / daydreaming and came up with these two lovely items that i can daydream about since i never buy myself new things... ever... because i don't know why...
both from betsy johnson... both fabulous in their own right... the one on the left is the agent velveteur dome satchel and the other is the go go betsy satchel.... they are named such fancy secret agent names i want to have them and put all my secret agent crap inside them... that sounded a little dirty.... hmmmmm
i also read all my favourite online blogs today and can i just say that if you haven't added cover lay down to your rss feeds you are not only an asshole you are also stupid. it's amazing and i've been so busy i didn't even see the valentines day post until today when it gave me the chills because it was so eloquent and soft and exactly the thing that a person wants to say or hear from the person that they are waking up next to... i love reading and thinking about the truth or the facts about love without the trappings, excuses and the other bullshit that goes along. go and read it and know that when you are bold enough to tell the world that single sentence because you are whole and content enough with your life to admit your insecurities and your inner truths you have come to a point that you deserve the world.... and i reserve the right to revisit this topic because i'm sick today and i don't think this little rant accurately explains how brilliant i think that post was.
perhaps more tomorrow... maybe i'll even be back to feeling good.... and who doesn't like it when i feel good?? the same people who don't like apples or hot air balloons and we all know who those people are.....
right click on this - patty larkin - have a little faith in me
now let it open in another tab or window and let it play in the background
since i'm totally lazy today i have nothing insightful to say. i've been trying to rest up for the work week... the best thing i did today was get paid for not going to work... gotta love love love paid holidays.
i did a little online shopping / daydreaming and came up with these two lovely items that i can daydream about since i never buy myself new things... ever... because i don't know why...
both from betsy johnson... both fabulous in their own right... the one on the left is the agent velveteur dome satchel and the other is the go go betsy satchel.... they are named such fancy secret agent names i want to have them and put all my secret agent crap inside them... that sounded a little dirty.... hmmmmmi also read all my favourite online blogs today and can i just say that if you haven't added cover lay down to your rss feeds you are not only an asshole you are also stupid. it's amazing and i've been so busy i didn't even see the valentines day post until today when it gave me the chills because it was so eloquent and soft and exactly the thing that a person wants to say or hear from the person that they are waking up next to... i love reading and thinking about the truth or the facts about love without the trappings, excuses and the other bullshit that goes along. go and read it and know that when you are bold enough to tell the world that single sentence because you are whole and content enough with your life to admit your insecurities and your inner truths you have come to a point that you deserve the world.... and i reserve the right to revisit this topic because i'm sick today and i don't think this little rant accurately explains how brilliant i think that post was.
perhaps more tomorrow... maybe i'll even be back to feeling good.... and who doesn't like it when i feel good?? the same people who don't like apples or hot air balloons and we all know who those people are.....
13 February 2008
by the time you read this...
by the time most of you read this it will be valentine's day... and so i feel compelled to give something in the direction of the over commercialized overdone consumer based love market. i give you three songs from the same woman that are three parts of love... love as i see it...
and i offer this insight... i have found love in more places than i have lost it. i have toted fool's gold across our nation as a talisman of what is possible if you are in the right place at the right time. i have discarded a heart that was given to me with the calloused hands of a cynic. i have treasured the love given to me by a small girl with a huge heart. i have worked hard to love myself and to love my choices... i have never worked hard at being loved because i don't think it can be forced or created outside of the right situations. i think it comes to us when we least expect it, when we can't fit it in and we don't really know what to do with it. perhaps i still have bridges and bridges to cross before there is anything that we'll speak of here in certain terms but that doesn't mean that i need one day to be reminded of the possibility. the possibility exists everyday and in each of us... so forget the flowers, the candy, the cards, the gifts and even the sex.... instead focus on what you can give and receive with your whole heart and do that to the best of your ability just for the day.
i hope that you have a lovely love day....
and i offer this insight... i have found love in more places than i have lost it. i have toted fool's gold across our nation as a talisman of what is possible if you are in the right place at the right time. i have discarded a heart that was given to me with the calloused hands of a cynic. i have treasured the love given to me by a small girl with a huge heart. i have worked hard to love myself and to love my choices... i have never worked hard at being loved because i don't think it can be forced or created outside of the right situations. i think it comes to us when we least expect it, when we can't fit it in and we don't really know what to do with it. perhaps i still have bridges and bridges to cross before there is anything that we'll speak of here in certain terms but that doesn't mean that i need one day to be reminded of the possibility. the possibility exists everyday and in each of us... so forget the flowers, the candy, the cards, the gifts and even the sex.... instead focus on what you can give and receive with your whole heart and do that to the best of your ability just for the day.
i hope that you have a lovely love day....
01 February 2008
i've been thinking about valentine's day...
have i mentioned how much i hate valentine's day????
i really hate it and so this year i've decided to become my own valentine.
yeah i've been thinking about it and i've made my wish list:
the sabrina bag from gucci below... it's beautiful... i do wish i had one that was like this but redder and not leather (because no one wants an animal to die so i can have a FABULOUS bag)
the bubblegum pink solitaire diamond.... i'm so in love with this ring. talk about fucking bling. i want the fake diamond version of this because it's all just carbon in the end right? the only thing it needs is a real platinum band / setting. and then to be in my life.
i'm in the market for a pink computer.... and this might just be the one i buy myself...
and lastly to replace the sidekick.... this hot little number
i really hate it and so this year i've decided to become my own valentine.
yeah i've been thinking about it and i've made my wish list:
the sabrina bag from gucci below... it's beautiful... i do wish i had one that was like this but redder and not leather (because no one wants an animal to die so i can have a FABULOUS bag)
the bubblegum pink solitaire diamond.... i'm so in love with this ring. talk about fucking bling. i want the fake diamond version of this because it's all just carbon in the end right? the only thing it needs is a real platinum band / setting. and then to be in my life.
i'm in the market for a pink computer.... and this might just be the one i buy myself...
and lastly to replace the sidekick.... this hot little number
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