trinity broadcasting network

three things i just saw on the trinity broadcasting network:

1. kirk cameron preaching about the lord and how dirty we all are.... he was a way better actor on whatever unimportant 80s show he used to be on..

2. an old lady (91 if she was a day) crying because she was stoked about the choir. i'm still not sure why she was crying unless it was the dude in the fourth row who was clearly lipsynching.

3. a dude with a mullet talking about the coming apocalypse and then trying to sell his book to viewers about said apocalypse. he did not mention mullets and their inherent tie into all that is evil.

three other things you should know:
1. no i don't watch trinity broadcasting network usually

2. i was flipping channels and it looked just as interesting as a sitcom

3. i'm concerned about what i've seen and feel a little weirded out like i've seen something i shouldn't have... i've seen porn that made me feel less ashamed.

not like peas and carrots...

two things that do NOT go together (unlike peas and carrots which are a lovely mix) are watching 50 first dates on the muted television while having an active conversation about how you are still not the carry on bag type of girl. that analogy may be lost on some readers so we'll dig that story out of our collection... ah yes, filed in between 'the girl crazy' and 'are you fucking kidding me'. yep. it's right here. now just dust it off and here it goes:

the washington boy, emma and i were once on a flight to and from places which are now irrelevant in the scheme of things. he became upset during said flight and after some prodding revealed what his concern was... it was quite simple really.... it seems that after some deep thought he had realized that he was a carry on bag kinda guy and i was a checked luggage kinda girl. what a perfect fucking metaphor for our relationship and many other relationships. needless to say he and i had started to see the beginning of the end... long story short fucking great story that ends the same as most of the rest of the stories i've amassed over the years. he wasn't in love with me. they never are. for awhile i thought it was me... but now i've just decided that there is something seriously wrong with men.... but i digress.

so tonight i got to have that conversation all over again while watching a movie that i think is funny and sweet and just great. i can sum up the two hour chat with some pretty easy bullet points:

• i'm great. (yes. we all know i'm fabulous... just ask me. i'll tell you)
• i have baggage.
• i have a past.
• in the end all things being laid on the table the fabulous simply is not enough.
• don't forget the great and ever fucking hopeful but what if... uh huh but what if... if relationship or love what ifs were dollar bills i'd be one rich fabulous girl.

i usually make a comment here about how i'm over boys but not tonight. in fact i'm no longer going down that tired old road. tonight i'm taking another road... the high road as it were.

additionally it's made somewhat easier by the fact that i logically predicted this outcome. not only did i predict this outcome but this was a conversation that in all rational situations could have been avoided... just as a side note don't ever tell someone that you have already decided there is no way you would ever a relationship with all the reasons WHY... what the fuck is the point? it's a stupid and hurtful conversation to get into with no purpose.

great! that narrows it down and i can go sell fabulous elsewhere.

vegetarian = nazi

so tonight we sit down to eat... my five year old and i....
through the course of our nice dinner that i lovingly prepared and served i say at least three times... emma, honey eat your salad....

on the fourth time little miss emma says... "MOM, I am not a giraffe. I do NOT eat weird leaves. Not everyone wants to be a vegetarian when they grow up."

so i sent her to her room. then when that punishment was over i sent her to bed. and it's not even her fault... i know it's my parents that have brainwashed my child into some conservative meat eating version of the cute kid i've tried to raise.

now... i have long had this theory that kids rebel against WHATEVER philosophies their parents bring them up with and i realized there was a chance that emma would turn out to be a meat loving, republican who found solace in things like hunting and watching ridiculous things on the talking box. perhaps she would even marry some weirdo religious zealot just to seal the deal....

but at 5? come'on.... and everyone should want to be a vegetarian when they grow up. everyone fucking should. i realize that my politics can be somewhat liberal. i realize that when it comes to tree-hugging hippies it may seem that i am one of them.... BUT
1. i am not a hippy... i'm punk rock and happen to be environmentally and socially conscious
2. anyone who believes in that Bill O'Reilly / Fox News / Bush White House crap is retarded
3. being a vegetarian is better for you... and it's more cost efficient... and it just makes sense

and yes. i know i'm being silly. yes i realize that this is somewhat ridiculous.... but she won't soon forget that EVERYONE wants to be a vegetarian when they grow up.


and yes mackenzie that still leaves room for EVERYONE to know what a dragon looks like.

i'm proud

here is something i don't understand at the very core of me... if someone doesn't want to be my friend and would like to say things about me to others then why don't they simply tell me they don't want to be friends? i understand that there are times where our friends do things that drive us nuts... but here is the thing the real thing - love them anyway. you can laugh about their quirks and funny habits all you want but don't be hurtful and mean. i'm not talking about 8th grade stuff - i'm really talking about being better people and being GOOD people. why bother to be anything else? why put forth the effort to be false? why would anyone fucking bother?

i found out last night that someone i thought was my friend has said quite a few really mean things about me. i heard some of them last night. the sad and fucked up part of it all is that i held that person in esteem above all others. it was like getting punched in the teeth and then kicked while i was down. i didn't do anything to deserve that. i'm fucking great... i'm a fucking GREAT friend. i listen, i problem solve, i support, i'm kind, funny and HONOURABLE and truthful. this is not some high school drama story... it's about more. it's about finding people that have some self-respect and appreciation for themselves and others.

this morning i turned on the tv for about 5 minutes and i saw this commercial for comcast in which the man is sitting on the couch working on the computer, talking on the phone, and watching tv while his wife and another person are talking to him. what the fuck is comcast advertising? you too can be this selfish piece of crap who doesn't really pay attention to anything except his own selfish needs? it's like we're a whole fucking society of selfish assholes. take what you want and have half interactions and half pay attention. i turned the tv right back off. no thanks. no fucking thanks. i will not become that person and i will not disrespect myself to the level of being a shitty friend or sister or mother. i may be the only who believes these things. i may be the only one who thinks it's fucked up to only give part of yourself to those you love. i don't care.... for once i'm proud that i am the only one.

today i am going to pack and to get ready to leave this place and i will let this go. i suppose who cares about friendships built on an island... in fairness they were the only ones we could make... we couldn't go anywhere else. i'm ready to move on... out of the safety and security of this bubble island and onto a real life... because i'm never afraid to really put myself out there. to REALLY love and laugh and try to be the best version of myself.