it's the time...

The time has come for the blogging to start again. It's been so long that it feels like a foreign process; to write, to compose, to share and to be transparent all seem like such a reach after going into a mode of privacy for so long. There is so much to share. A move, a wedding, a pregnancy, a baby, a marriage and a life. I'll spend the next week or so catching up and sharing about each event and then we'll start with the current goings on... the daily dazzling beautiful organized chaos that is our life. I think I'm ready....

In the meantime you can enjoy baby pictures!

and here is to 2010

i love my life. i have a great life. i have a wonderful daughter who is funny and smart and loving. i have a family who is good to each other and loves each other. i am proud of my siblings, their choices and of the people they have chosen to be in their lives. school is exciting and a challenge and i have really enjoyed every minute of it! i have amazing friends... amazing friends... that support and love me through thick and thin. lastly, but not least, i have a boyfriend who is a pillar of strength in my life. he is my best friend, my lover and everything i could have ever hoped for in a man.

2010 will hold big changes for us.... some of them are bigger than i can imagine. some have already happened and i'm so grateful. there might be less blogs in 2010. i seem to have less angst and that was what i blogged about. please don't take it personally. i hope to find something else to put here - daily photographs maybe? to fill the daily spots.

happy new year!

then there is love...

there is a part of every person... i think... that wants to fall in love. i think the idea is that it's just not possible, or probable, or maintainable, or worth it.

i want to say for the record that's it's improbable but it's possible and it can be maintained and it's so so worth it.

i'm in love with a man. he's my best friend and the person that i dream about at night. he makes me laugh. he likes the bad things and the good things about me... on most days. he is everything i've ever wanted in a partner. i believe with every ounce of my being that he is meant to be my love for life.

and it's strange. it's sometimes unbelievable because if you look at where we've been it seems as if no two people survive what we've been through. i want to survive with him. i want to spend everyday with him. i want to let go of what has happened and come back to the happy ending i never even knew i wanted.

i hope you'll understand when i say... i love him unconditionally and completely and i hope one day he'll feel the same about me.

pictures are up!!

we had an amazing time having our pictures taken by aubrey - you can find her website here at photobyaubrey.com  she was fun and funny and took it in stride that we were a little late and a LOT hung over. it was important to us as a family to be able to have these photos taken and i am so happy about the way that these turned out - we can't WAIT to see the rest!

 

 

 

 

do you realize?

thanksgiving was wonderful. it was a wonderful experience... full of good laughs and a new found gratitude and love for my family. we are normal - despite the things that make us abnormal. my siblings, my daughter and my parents are people i respect and love.

something happened though over the few days that has given me an idea to think about. oh, how i love a new idea to take apart and think about over and over and over again. it's something that happened in our house and it has to do with forgiveness and letting go of the past.

it seems that there are things that happen in life. there are good things and bad things and in between things. the in between things seem to get swept away with the sands of time - mediocre dinners, movies, experiences, conversations. those are neutral and ultimately they neither reinforce or destroy ties. there are the good things. the good things are memories and they bring a feeling of warmth and love. these are the things that are what make life pleasant, loving and fun. but it's the bad things and how you deal with them in the grand scale of time that create an attitude of either love or frustration and resentment which lead to anger.

here is my opinion - about those bad things. it's just my opinion and perhaps i don't know shit about shit... i'm open to being wrong (and if i am please speak UP so i can look at this new idea in a different light).

bad shit happens. people do bad shit, act like shits, say shitty things and sometimes even shit on you. in time usually those people apologize, grow, change and behave in new ways. (if they don't do any of those things or they are oblivious to the changes that need to be made that's a different rant) when you recieve time, growth and an apology you have two choices: forgive or hold on. holding on leads to death of relationships, forgiving offers a chance for your heart to hold new ideas and new good things. in my opinion, there is only so much room in your heart - like your closet - you can either store good things or negative things. dredging up the past and choosing to be resentful over it only limits YOU. it only serves to prevent YOU from being the person you want to be.

there is no time machine. there is no way to go back and change the past. there is only this moment and the future. why choose to let the past dictate your present or your future? why choose to let negative resentments and anger rule the potential happiness? why not allow people to apologize, accept their part, you accept your part and try to build a bridge to the present? it seems silly to me to hold on to the angry feelings that are chained in the past... ultimately you're the only one still standing there and you're missing out on the gift of the present.

here is to forgiving and moving forward...

if you choose to set those bags down i think you'll find your journey is easier. but you can have whatever journey you want. i'm definitely not the boss of you.

may your journey bring you to peace. it's a big world out there but i hope you'll find your way to your own brand of happiness.