the physics of meaning

the physics of meaning it's a band with a great song called aeroplanes and hurricanes... not my favorite like These United States over and over again but it's metaphorical and you know i'm a girl that likes the comfort of things being metaphorical and literal all at the same time. it gives me a strange contented feeling like running my tongue over the same spot on my cheek that i accidentally bit into. to understand that things are working on every plane and every platform and every level. when i find things come together in the perfect symbiosis that is a healthy life experiment i am always elated. excited like i feel when i have deja vu and when i finally see clearly what was right in front of me the whole time.

so anyway, the physics of meaning. what things mean and what is said and implied and how things are interpreted and what expectations are built and how fragile they all are when piled end to end in a tower like form. what that means and how gravity, motion, kinetic and potential energy all apply to tower building and misunderstandings that happen by default because we are imperfect and flawed beings. like building a tower to babel those things - the communications that are missed and the laws of the universe that we have created between us - eventually those come clanging down because the language is no longer understood amongst all the communicators.

i'm not sure how to avoid these things. i try time and time again to communicate just as clearly and honestly as i can but i find more often than not that either i fail or i seem to have misplaced my stupid decoder ring. i wish that i could somehow... just somehow see how delicate things are... when the message i'm getting is that they are perfectly stable. perhaps i'm just one of those people who is too direct, too straight forward or too logical. i, horror of all horrors, take things literally when people tell me what they want, think or feel. i like to overthink and be impulsive and i've found that it just doesn't work because i'm not a mind reader and truth be known i'm just not that smart. so i've worked hard to let people be what they are, accept what they are giving, wait until the message changes before i jump to conclusions. i thought that was all good stuff... being redemptive or neutral instead of reactive. however... every once in a while i realize about 10 hours too late that i've missed the secret message written in invisible ink and i am left with the pieces of the tower that i didn't even build.

so from now on... if you're looking for a place to dump your expectations, judgment, secret messages, implications and unspoken ideas... you need to do it on your side of the street. those things aren't mine. and it hurts my feelings to know that even when you promise that we're on the same page and i trust you that it could change at a moment's notice. i'm simply not ready for those if, ands, or buts. we have built something so strong and wonderful. i'm surprised that it could be blown over by something that seemed to be so within our realm of what we could together deal with. that uncertainty and that doubt and fear is not about being... that's about doing and i'm definitely not allowed to do that.

also want to say on a dorky side note that today i finally understood arrhenius equation and can solve for the variables and even use the integrated equation. i was proud and kinda nervous.... sometimes success is as scary as failure. i did find it coincidental that the things in the equation seem to apply to my personal situation today. if you'll indulge me (which you will because it's my blog) i'll show you what i found kind of amazing...
the equation is as follows:
k = Ae ^Ea/Rt
where k is the rate constant
A is the frequency factor
Ea is the activation energy
R is a given constant (8.314 J/mol)
and t is the temperature.

so.... now you apply it to life
k is the rate at which interactions take place
A is the frequency at which they successfully occur
Ea is the effort required to make the interaction positive and fruitful
R is the constant or the basis - your personal values, morals and ideals that offer common ground
t is still the temperature but we can use the scale of "cold" to "hot" for "dislike" to "love"

i promise if you start plugging in numbers from your personal life you will find that it works.... because chemistry is not subjective and it is not about decoder rings. it is all about clean science that is logical and perfect and if i could i would only live in that world... because well.... it makes so much sense.