CONFUSED AND BORED - m4w - 39
maybe if you could have kept your legs closed we would still be together. but you couldn't because you are the brainless slut not the other girls I go too.
i swear its the last time - w4m - 28 (phx)
i like dropping you a line once in awhile … you know, just to check in. besides, thinking about your face makes me smile.
but, i won’t be doing that anymore. you see, no matter how hard i try, i can’t maintain any boundary with you. i wish i could. but boundaries have proven to be somewhat of a challenge for me, and for you. i would love it if we could continue to be friends - the kind of friends we were before all this awkward weirdness happened - but, it seems that isn’t possible.
today, your words echo in my ears; your touch lingers on my skin. i can almost feel your hand on my side. i love looking into your eyes. i love it when you’re a little silly and i can almost see your soul.
when i think back over the last handful of years i know i am losing so much. years ago, when i knew of you, i used to wonder about you. when i got to know you, i felt connected to you . i thought of you often. your heart was so weak, so broken, so abused. i wanted to show you how to trust again. i always wanted you to be happy. sometimes i thought i could make you happy. my intentions were so pure, so honest. but then we muddied the waters. we took chances and disregarded boundaries. because of this, sometimes i wish you had never known me.
you should know that you made me feel special. you made me feel pretty. you made me feel sexy. but now i all feel is used. when you weave your way back in (and you always do), i feel a little less used – but i always know that feeling will be fleeting.
so here we are. you over there, and me right here. and that’s the way we have to stay.
i wish this fate was different, but everything has become so clear. you were meant to be part of me, if only for a short time. to teach me something, to lead me to what i wouldn’t allow myself to find alone.
today, my heart is breaking. i owe so much to you, and i’m losing you. this could have been different if i simply did what i knew was right with me. sure, i branched out. i took a chance; tried something new. and now i have to accept the consequence. i get to live with my sin.
with true sincerity, thank you. thank you for everything … the good, the bad, and everything in between. i will never forget the brand you made on my heart. i will always be grateful to you. i can only hope you gained as much from this as i. goodbye, sweet, sweet boy, goodbye.
This should have been us - m4w (No where special)
I used to look forward to today. At times it never was easy to do something truly special, but we always remembered our special day. Now I tend to forget about it the weeks and days leading up to today. Then, somehow, I'm reminded of it. As time goes on, I doubt I'll think so much about it. Maybe someday this day will come and go without a thought of it? In a way I think that I'd like that. I don't want to remember us anymore. Just the same, I hope that I never forget this day - the day that my life certainly had meaning; I had finally done something right and I was fully aware of it. I was so nervous when we got married, however I knew that it was the best day of my life! They say life goes on. Right now I'm slowly starting to experience this "life goes on". So now I just sit here trying to figure out what I want to do with my new life and nothing comes to mind. I wake up everyday, however I'm not really living, just existing. It was hard to in the beginning, but somehow I managed. I know this cause I'm here today. I wouldn't say that I'm not happy. I think I'm doing alright - better than before. I guess as time goes on, you go along with it. Certain familiar things become part of your past and you no longer are reminded. You start to do things differently. After awhile old habits or old routines become slightly different based on the absence of your old life. I've had plenty of time to adjust to this new empty life, however it hasn't been easy. The loneliness and yearing for you have made it difficult, but I'm learning to let go. There have been times where I didn't even think of you. I would feel guilty when I realized that I hadn't thought about you. I was told that it's alright not to remember. It means I'm moving on with my life and that's a good thing. Lately I've been having dreams about us. In the dreams I'm so completely happy and I'm fully aware of this. I look at you and think, my beautiful little wife! We seem so happy an in love. Yet when I wake, the sad reality sets in - you're gone. And it was just a dream. Maybe we're connecting like we use to? It aways amazed me how we knew each other's thoughts or how you would be thinking something and call me about it and i was thinking the same thing - totally random stuff that wasn't even really part of our daily lives or conversations( like me wanting a kitty and i called you about it and it just so happened that you found one and you were going to call me about her and we had never discussed getting a pet. ) I miss you so much. I miss talking to you. I miss seeing you. I miss being around you. I miss everything about you. I love you so much. I will always love you. Happy Anniversary! May you be at peace.
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