today i found that after all these years i finally found some validation and justification for everything i've ever felt or said about my mother. the moment was so amazing and life changing that i will never forget it. it was all over in about 90 seconds but i don't think i'll ever be able to erase it from my memory bank.... today while in a movie theatre... during the main feature... that was definitely playing... my mother answered her cell phone and then proceeded to have a conversation.
i'll give you a minute to go back and reread that because it's fucking crazy i know... i mean who does that?? seriously? seriously!
i'm not sure who has already heard this story but back in the day but i broke up with a guy that i had been dating for like 6 months for that... seriously. i walked out of the movie and left him at the movie theatre. when he called me (from the movie) to ask me for a ride the only thing i could manage to get out was "this... rela.. tion... ship... is so so so fucking over"... and i meant it.
it's inexcusable. it's so shockingly bad mannered. i understand so much more about my mother tonight. i think i finally see that we are simply different creatures... different kind of people.
there are times in my life when i can remember the past in such brutal colour and vividness that i literally have to close my eyes and turn my head away from the forceful vision in front of me. i go back to those crystal clear moments and explore them as if they are frozen in time. i walk around and see what i can gather from the whole picture. i see my own face and feel what was in my heart. those are not comfortable moments. they pop up sometimes when i least expect them and then i have to shove them away like a bug flying too close to my face or head... impatiently swipe at the air and look up waiting to see if it will make another pass. today will become one of those days in the future - i'll feel my indignation and embarrassment swell up in my throat as my head snaps with cat like reflex to the left and my eyes fly wide open with horror. today will become a red letter day.
perhaps i'm making too much of nothing like the time that i insisted that the president of taco bell should call me at home because they don't make tostadas in connecticut... seriously wtf? it was still on the drive thru menu just to tease and tempt me and their explanation was that they as a state stopped carrying them because the shells broke too easily and it was creating waste. huh? so make a better shell... i fucking love tostadas and shouldn't be penalized for your sub-par shell handling capabilities! but i digress... i was saying that perhaps that i'm making too big a deal of this and i'm willing to accept that but i think this kind of behaviour says something definitive about a person.
i believe strongly that everyone KNOWS what a dragon looks like and this is a particularly ugly species...
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