in the weight of the moment i try to be grateful and patient. i try to remain still and calm until the challenges present themselves and i can identify what needs to be done. i attempt to be the best version of myself everyday... to love others and let them love me. sometimes it is harder than others. sometimes it seems that all the gratitude, patience, calmness and the pauses for action are just avoidance ploys and that the best version of myself isn't all that worthy of love... without those things it can seem as if i have very little to give others in way of love.
lately however the internal conversation has been easier. i've realized that i have a lot of things to be grateful for. i have the whole world in front of me.... so many opportunities to choose from. additionally i have songs in the morning (or evening depending on when i check my email) and conversations that make me happy. it feels like change... like improvement in an area that i definitely needed it in.
most importantly in the weight of this moment it is welcome.... it's been a long time since i've been able to be mindful without feeling like it was an uphill battle and it feels great. it feels like it's all right and it's all going to be alright. perhaps it's because of the things that have come before... perhaps it's because i have located my true north and i know what direction i'm heading. perhaps it's because finally i was patient and calm enough to accept and enjoy what was right in front of me... perhaps it was just coincidence... i haven't gotten my head around all of that and i don't need to... for just this once.
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