it's almost the end of the season and one of my favourite things is the christian charter wednesday. a whole boat load of christians charter a holland america ship and come to alaska. (boat load is figurative and literal)
here is my favourite imaginary conversation with one of the passengers:
guest: is it going to rain all day?
me: probably... it IS a rainforest
guest: well.. we were hoping for sun
me: looks like SOMEONE didn't PRAY hard enough... all the other christian charter boats had perfect sunny skies this year. i didn't want to say anything but we were all saying this morning that we're a little worried.
guest: worried?
me: yes, well... i'm not JUDGING anyone but I'm just saying that perhaps someone isn't as RIGHT with God as they thought... you HAVE heard the story of Jonah and the whale haven't you?
guest: uh.. yes.
me: well, i'd just be really careful if i were you... you never know what God has planned. Now enjoy your tour... the boat is just down the ramp.
here is my second favourite imaginary conversation with one of the passengers:
guest: i'm here for the misty fjords tour
me: i'm sorry ma'am that tour left 5 minutes ago
guest: well, it's only 5 minutes... the boat should have waited.
me: well.. we were going to wait but then we all prayed about it and God said that he didn't give a shit if you were on the tour or not... you might want to talk to him about that... he sounded kinda pissed.... i'm not judging just saying... perhaps there is something you need to think about.
see... it's funny because
1. i wouldn't really do it
2. it uses the imaginary passenger's faith as a weakness
3. sometimes people are gullible enough to believe a conversation like that
4. it uses curse words with passengers (that's always funny)
5. most charter boat (any charter boat) passengers are assholes for some reason
6. it's a variant from my usual: "ma'am I will fucking cut you."
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