a note in my notebook

i am under no circumstances allowed to watch the notebook again.

seriously. it's not good for me.

tonight i watched the notebook and had an existential crisis about what it all means and where i'm going in my life. i used all three of my most recent favorite analogies while trying to cope:
1. it's all chemistry. whether it's good chemistry or bad chemistry it all looks the same. the only way you know whether the chemistry has created pure oxygen or a noxious gas that will kill you is to breathe it in. you can't judge something by the way it looks but you should over time stop mixing the same chemicals if it turns out to be toxic.
2. my relationship history is sort of like a carousel. i'm not really going anywhere and i keep getting on the same horse after forgetting that i rode it two times before. i'm tired of going round and round and up and down.
3. my issues are like an overpacked disorganized garage. sometimes i need to get something out and i get frustrated that it's so cluttered and so i want to get it all sorted out. sometimes i need to take someone into the garage and i get embarrassed about all the shit i'm keeping in there. either way it's not being used for what it's meant to be used for... i'm not keeping a car in there. i'm simply using it for storage of old crap.

i realize that none of those have the full appeal that they do when i explain them in person and none of them sound really insightful. i also realize that they are all sadly true.