now we all know that i am not allowed to retract anything that i said on my blog... because well it dishonours the moment and gives me the power to make it seem as if i'm perfect and always have the answers. i always want to honour the moment, have integrity with my words and actions, respect the interactions, admit that i am not perfect and i do not have all of the answers... and so tonight i must admit that my blog last night "not like peas and carrots" may have been completely crazy, off base and somewhat skewed in it's perspective. i guess the good news is that i'm grown up enough to admit it.
here is what is real and true... (in a nutshell)... i have a past, present and future. i get up everyday and forgive myself for yesterday and commit to the big three - respect, honour and integrity and try to live the best life that i can. some days i succeed and some days i lean more towards being in the red as far as success goes. my greatest hope is that at some point i will have the people in my life that are blessings and i will have grown past the people that are a burden on me, that i will be able to trade in gold in every interaction regardless of who i'm interacting with, that i will be able to communicate my thoughts and feelings kindly with clear words and a pure heart, that i will continue to be a great parent and a great friend and lastly but certainly not least that i will achieve the goals of success i have set for myself.
yesterday was a difficult communication day. i was not the best version of myself and i am so very grateful that i have a friend that will forgive me for that. for speaking out of uncertainty or speaking on impulse i am sorry... the things i said about peas and carrots were not really about our situation but about what i am afraid of. as you so eloquently said tonight "we're smarter than that" and you're right...
i found this amazing bit of wordiness today and enjoyed it immensely:
Get wisdom, get understanding: forget it not; neither decline from the words of my mouth. Forsake her not, and she shall preserve thee: love her, and she shall keep thee. Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. Exalt her, and she shall promote thee: she shall bring thee to honour, when thou dost embrace her. She shall give to thine head an ornament of grace: a crown of glory shall she deliver to thee.
I suppose that is all we're ALL looking for... wisdom that we can hold on to and cherish... something that will preserve us, give understanding, promote us to our full potential, bring us to the honour and grace that is rightfully ours and deliver us... from ourselves.
also i'd like to note that the following lyrics by gordon lightfoot are fucking genius:
"When you reach the part where the heartaches come
The hero would be me
But heroes often fail
And you wont read that book again
Because the endings just too hard to take."
in all fairness heroes do often fail.... and the ending is sometimes hard to take... unless you happen to be jay or rollins and then your last feeling fell out of you onto the sidewalk where you poked it with a stick until it broke into two and then you threw it at the stupid bitch rollins used to date because she was fucking insane and we hated her... and then it's not hard to take at all. the only thing hard to take around there is less shots....
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