i went out tonight and found that i was the awkward sober person.. drinking water and juice and ordering covertly just so no one would know... why couldn't i just say i wasn't drinking???
the highlight of the night was having a completely drunk guy dry hump me on the floor of the first city saloon... wow... not cool in any way shape or form...
have had this few lines stuck in my head all night:
Some days i'm bursting at the seems
With all my half remembered dreams
want so much for the season to be over. want so much to leave this place. want so much to live here permanently. want so much to know who to trust and what is REAL. i found tonight that people i didn't know cared about me were telling me how great i was... i found that people who i thought i trusted and knew were giving me the signal that they didn't give a shit about me at all... perhaps everything i have come to know and trust is an absolute lie. for right now i'm going to believe that tonight was a moment and i'm going to believe in what i've come to see as my truth but i'll say aloud... i have my doubts... perhaps i've made some bad choices this summer and believed in things that have no basis or truth. i can choose either way - tacoma and then south from there and see all my old friends or the other way. who knows anymore. it's all very confusing...
it's six of one and half a dozen of the other.
forget it i'm going to bed... and i'll decide tomorrow.
on that note.... goodnight.
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